We Got This

This is the face of a girl who has walked out of the jail that she built for herself.

Bondage was my home. The concrete walls and chained doors kept me safe from facing myself.

The situation I created hurt my soul. I had royally screwed up. Because I was wrong. I was wrong about my first husband. Wrong about parenting without the Holy Spirit as a young mother. Wrong about alcohol in my life. Wrong as the day is long, and I didn’t want to say it. The more I ran from the truth, the more the locks rusted on the chains.

The enemy guarded the exit under shadow power.

Shadow power is a malignant force entirely reliant upon fear, shame, and our own false narrative. What makes the narrative false is our feeling of defeat. If your story doesn’t empower you — it’s false. Paul reminds us in Romans 8:37 “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” Jesus said in Mark 9:23 “If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.”

When you decide to change the ending of your story… aka the only part we actually can change — you destroy the shadow power. Once the inspired outcome is determined, you can begin taking the necessary steps to become the highest expression of yourself.

Embrace the beginning. Grace to the middle. End like a champion. 

And you know what… when God crafts a moment just for you, he gives you signs through peace and providence. Yesterday, I recorded the first podcast episode of a new show with my brother, Micah.

It was full circle and serendipitous. I needed to feel his love and give him mine. He was my best friend growing up… and over the years we hurt each other. But, don’t call it a comeback. We’re back and better than ever.

The Waterfalls Podcast on YouTube and Instagram is just getting started. Talking about our life and hot topics with him was like breathing and no doubt that the timing was divinely orchestrated. God healed our relationship so I could launch into my next chapter feeling truly free.

Whether you’re related by blood or history, the people we invest in create a puzzle shape in our hearts. We must forgive and make amends. Not because it’s easy, but because without them… we won’t be able to enjoy the full picture.

Another positively providential thing is that I got to see my sister a few days ago. 

Circa 2011

I can feel the tears welling up just typing these words. I miss Leah even while I’m with her. I loved laughing and carrying on for an hour. It was like old times. It always is.

My dad was sublime.

Over the past two weeks, I’ve been helping with his rehabilitation. He had a stroke shortly before Christmas, which made the holidays rather difficult. I loved making him oatmeal and tea. What a great experience to serve someone who knows what they want! I am not such a person. I’ll change my mind in the drive-thru several times. God is working on me. It was great to wait for him.

My mother is woven into the fabric of what makes me, me. 

I don’t know what I’d do without her. The wisdom, patience, and love she’s bestowed upon me and my children is like winning the lottery. Maybe that’s why I don’t play any numbers. Because I’ve already won. She believes in me and that makes this move real for me. I’m going to do what she knows I will do. It’s already done.

Saying goodbye to her at the airport felt like coming out of the womb for the second time. We cried much like I’m sure we did after 48 hours of labor. I want to give her and my dad the world. They taught me how to believe in myself and God. And turns out, that’s all a human needs to know.

It’s bittersweet to leave. But, as Denzel Washington said, “Dreams without a plan… are just dreams.” Planning and action are what make them come true.

I was also able to spend quality time with my niece, Meri. 

She’s one of my favorite people in the world. Partly because her mother is in the same category. And because I adore her personality. She’s got the sauce and I love it.

I had a perfect dinner with my nieces, Destiny and Dominique. Joined by my sister-in-law Keisha, and our friend Amanda. We laughed like hyenas. Have you ever told a joke and felt the laughter before the punch line? Those are the people that want to see you win. They anticipate your achievement. I even got to see my old friend Matt who owns the restaurant where we all met up. Matt and I talked for an hour and I felt loose and happy. Amanda and Keisha are accomplished RNs. They inspire me. And as fate would have it — Dominique is going to be moving to the west coast in September! I can’t wait to spend time with her under the palm trees.

So many little moments kept happening to show me that God is in this story. The other day, I accidentally bought one too many suitcases and couldn’t get a refund. Only to find out that my oldest daughter needed another suitcase. In that moment, I could feel God rubbing my back and saying,

“We got this. And by we I mean me and you.”