Hey, iPhone—It’s over.
Who else grabs their phone to use the restroom? Just me?
In this day and age, where your Instagram story represents your mood and your LinkedIn profile can signify your economic worth, it can be hard to understand where your phone ends and you begin.
We use our phones to take pics of our meals, help us do our jobs, and talk to our loved ones. Dare I say it… we’re all dating our phones. They’re the closest thing to us without a heartbeat, and yet when they shut off, we say that it’s “dead.” This terminology caused me to dig deeper and ask myself: how close is too close? And is it time to friend-zone my phone?
About a year ago, I began tracking my screen time. Now, because I listen to soundscapes while I sleep, I rake in 8 hours of phone time right at the start of my day.
Throughout the day, I will conscientiously put my phone away while I do my job. But, after work, it woos me back with every text ding or, even worse, a legitimate reason to check—like needing to look up directions or ask Google a serious question like, “What is the song that played during the breakup scene in the 'Nobody Wants This' TV series?”
It’s instant information at our fingertips, and for most of us, we’re totally overloaded. How do I know this is potentially a “we” problem and not just a “me” problem? Thanks for asking. It’s because I happen to be a millennial. I remember what life was like before smartphones. When I was waiting somewhere unfamiliar, I had two choices: stare at a wall and psychoanalyze my life, or talk to someone. We used to get to know strangers, but now we ignore the person in front of us on the train or plane and scroll through the strangers on our newsfeeds.
Data backs me up. According to a data management study conducted by Harmony Healthcare IT, the average American adult spends about 4 hours and 37 minutes looking at their phone each day.
When you multiply that by one year, that amounts to approximately 70 days on your phone. The average book takes 5 hours to read. That’s nearly 70 books. Language Fluency takes around 83 days. Are you catching my drift? With the same time we spend googling, gaming, scrolling, emailing, texting, and YouTubing, we could be enriching our lives beyond measure. Yet, the cat video hashtag has over 38 million posts on TikTok.
When did it start? My first smartphone was an iPhone. I never had a Blackberry, and in the beginning, we were just acquaintances. I’d check in every now and then—take a selfie, text a friend. But somewhere between social media hitting the scene and being able to do actual work on my phone, I got lost in the sauce and found it harder and harder to just exist with my thoughts. And no, I don’t have my phone in my hand at all times. Phone relationships are much more crafty. They come with clingy device friends to keep you hooked on media. If you’re not holding a phone, then you’re with its best friend, the TV, or its mother, your laptop. However, what this ‘tech lover’ doesn’t ever tell you is that the grass is, in fact, greener on the other side of blue light.
According to the Mayo Clinic, reducing screen time can prevent obesity, improve sleep, foster creativity, strengthen social connections, and boost your mood. When I read this (on my phone), I knew it was time to write my Dear John letter. Well, it was more of a “boundaries letter.” Inside my head, I had to create rules. Why? Because the warning isn’t included in the box with the charging cable. When iPhones were introduced, we should have all received a PSA announcement that read:
*May cause breakups, compromise your family time, ruin the way you resolve conflicts, inflict ghosting, and the little apps are highly addictive. You’ve been warned.*
So here are my new boundaries:
I will not touch my phone when I wake up. I bought one of those ancient things called an alarm clock, and that will wake me up. I will begin my morning routine with coffee, journaling, and silence. I will no longer allow my phone to dictate my mood and energy for the day—because of the texts or news I see. No, I will fill my heart and mind with gratitude and put it in writing. I will limit social media to 15 minutes a day after work, and I will not— I repeat, WILL NOT—check my phone while I’m speaking with an actual human.
These rules aren’t meant to supersede emergencies or common sense, of course, but they will be valuable guideposts to get me back to the real world because life is not virtual, no matter how much our tech lover wants us to believe it is. Furthermore, I have learned that we can’t just eliminate a habit without replacing it or we’ll end up right back where we started. So, I am dedicated to two new things that will consume my idle time in a positive way. I will finish reading one book every week, and I am excited to have more game nights with my two teenage daughters.
Our phones are here to help us be more present and make our lives easier—not pull us further apart from each other and our inner thoughts. Yes, look up the restaurant with your phone, but do be sure to put it down for the entire dinner. I remember hearing a friend's voicemail. She said, “Hi, you’ve reached Susie. If it’s an emergency—please hang up and dial 9-1-1.” I chuckled and never forgot that reminder. Most messages can wait. Being present is indeed one of life’s greatest gifts. The best way to unwrap a gift is to have total focus, with both hands and eyes experiencing the moment.
So, dear iPhone… it’s not me—it’s you. We don’t have to be estranged, but you’ll be seeing me a lot less. It’s a human thing. You wouldn’t understand.
